


Cry Me A River

by artificialmac



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Bob and Derrick are bffs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, friendship fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9446096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: No one expected the two to become friends, not even the two of them saw it coming; forces beyond their control bring out the worst and best in each of them as they struggle together through what their friendship means.





	

“I will never cry over you.”

That was a lie.

Derrick did cry over Bob. More than once. More than twice. Derrick cried over Bob many times. He laughed when he thought back to that statement. ‘If only you knew,’ he wished he had told his former self. But back then he had no idea how much Bob would mean to him. They had fought a bit on Drag Race, mainly because no one else was and production had encouraged the girls to be a little more cutthroat. Not that Derrick was blaming editing or the producers; all of the things he had said were real. 

After filming was over, these few tiffs in the workroom, and their evident avoidance of each other, spurred rumors that the two despised each other. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. 

Neither of them really knew how it had started. They were on the bus, touring with the rest of the season 8 girls when Derrick got a call. He saw the familiar caller ID and smiled at his phone as he hit accept. 

“Hey baby.” Derrick smiled. 

“Hey.” Derrick’s smile fell at his boyfriend’s tone. 

“What’s going on?” Derrick heard whispers and he felt an impending sense of dread.

“I put you on speaker. Nick is here too.”

“Hi sweetheart. What’s happening, why do you guys sound so weird?” Derrick was keeping his voice light and joking, a stark contrast to his boyfriends on the other line.

“Look Derrick, Nick and I need to tell you something.”

Derrick’s heart plummeted. “Oh god. Oh no. Seriously?” He felt tears prick the edges of his eyes, and he just _knew _what they were about to say.__

__Derrick heard Nick’s voice cut in, it sounded like he too was on the verge of crying. “Derrick we are so sorry baby. Look we never meant for this to happen. I am so sorry.”_ _

__Derrick bit his lip to keep a sob from racking his body. By this time the other girls had taken notice of Derrick’s state and began to crowd around him looking worried. “So that’s it then. You two are just gonna go off together? You are going to leave me?”_ _

__“We are so sorry Derrick.” Mackenzie sounded worn out, and genuinely sorry. This made it even harder for Derrick to be mad at them. No matter what had happened, his boyfriends had always been genuine and honest with him and with their emotions. If he was being honest, he wasn’t mad at them, more at himself. He truly wanted them both to be happy. He loved them both with his whole heart and nothing would ever change that._ _

__“Me too.” He hung up. All the season 8 girls, that weren’t sleeping, were currently sitting around him, questions clear in their eyes. Derrick ignored their looks and made his way to the back of the bus. He sat down and began to scroll through his social media. The other girls stared at him for a moment, but eventually went back to whatever they had been doing before. Well, all the girls save for one. Bob still had his eyes glued to Derrick. Whenever the blonde looked up from his phone screen, his eyes met Bob’s. When the awkwardness became palpable, Derrick did what he always did when he was in a mood, he turned on some Britney, and drowned out the rest of the world. He didn’t think about his boyfriends, he didn’t think about them together without him, he didn’t think about Bob’s gaze that was still on him._ _

__They performed that night with hardly any hang-ups, which was a miracle in and of itself. The girls were grabbing their stuff from the back rooms and getting ready to load the bus, when it all of a sudden hit him. He was alone. There was no one waiting for him anymore. No one to call and ask about his show. No one to talk with about everything. There was no one._ _

__The tears he had held back from earlier that day, all came rushing out at once. Derrick ran from the dressing room and down a hallway, not paying attention to where he was going. He ended up in what he assumed was the maintenance closet. All the hurt poured from his eyes and he could barely think. He had been repressing those thoughts for fear that this would happen. He didn’t want to feel like this, he didn’t want to feel weak. he tried to be as silent as possible, but once the sobs started, Derrick was hard pressed to stop them. He had no idea how long he had been in there. He knew it was probably not too long before they would start to look for him, but every time he tried to clean his face and wipe the tears, they just came back harder._ _

__When the closet door opened, he could hardly see who it was because of the tears obstructing his vision, but a second later he was wrapped in a pair of strong arms and a soothing voice was mumbling encouragements. Derrick had no idea how long he and the stranger stood there for, minutes, hours. When he finally collected himself enough to where he could stand on his own, he pulled away. When his eyes fell upon a familiar face he started. “Oh Bob! I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Derrick motioned to Bob’s wet shirt._ _

__“No don’t apologize its fine.” Bob was still looking at him with that look. Derrick didn’t know how to describe it, he almost felt as if Bob was looking right through him. He didn’t know if he liked that feeling either._ _

__Derrick and Bob made their way out of the closet. If the other girls knew what had happened, they didn’t let on. Bob sat beside Derrick for the rest of the trip. At first it was strange, having another person beside him, another person to worry about him. Over the course of the next weeks, Derrick discovered more and more about Bob and in turn he revealed things about himself. He found that Bob was the self proclaimed biggest Beyoncé fan of all time. And Bob found out that Derrick actually really loved the Beatles._ _

__The two became closer and closer as the tour wrapped up. It was an unlikely friendship, that Derrick had never expected, but he was so glad he hadn’t been. They each went their separate ways but still texted almost every day. They went to each other’s shows when they were in the same city, and Skyped when they weren’t. Spending time with Bob always made Derrick feel like he was coming home. Bob always made him feel like everything was ok, even when it wasn’t. They had even talked about moving in together at one point. Bob had become Derrick’s rock. He grounded Derrick and made him feel safe._ _

__Then, all of a sudden, Bob stopped answering his texts. He was too busy to Skype or too tired. Derrick could feel him slipping away, so he stopped calling. He sent the occasional holiday greeting, but other than that he stopped contacting him. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He stopped himself daily from calling Bob or asking him how he was. Derrick didn’t know what he had done, but he was sure it was his fault. He felt guilty and sad. He had no one else to talk to, so he just cried._ _

__“I will never cry over you.” The words that had left his lips all those months ago were so ignorant and they echoed in his head over and over._ _

__The next time Derrick saw Bob was on BOTS. Derrick did his best to avoid Bob, but everywhere he turned the older man was there. He had an apology in his eyes but Derrick didn’t want it. At least he thinks he didn’t._ _

__After months of this, Bob finally cornered Derrick backstage. “Derrick I have to tell you something.”_ _

__“I don’t want to hear it.” Derrick made a move to leave but Bob blocked the door._ _

__“I don’t care. You have been avoiding me for months now. I have to tell you this.” Derrick crossed his arms and looked away, if only for the knowledge that he was less likely to cry if he didn’t look at Bob. “I have to apologize to you. The way I left things wasn’t fair to either of us.” Derrick still wouldn’t look at him. “Derrick? Please look at me. I am so sorry.”_ _

__“Why did you do that? Why did you leave me?” Derrick’s voice cracked on the last syllable and he cursed at himself._ _

__“I don’t know. I was just afraid I guess.” When Derrick looked at him questioningly he elaborated, “I have never had a friend like you before. I know you always thought that you needed me more than I needed you, but you are wrong. You are the only person I have ever felt at peace with. You make me feel happy and understood. I have never been that close to anyone before and I was just so scared that I would mess it up.” Now Bob wasn’t looking at Derrick. “I know that is a stupid reason and you deserve a better explanation, but that is all I have, and I am so sorry.”_ _

__Derrick was in shock. Bob was nervous._ _

__Bob, the confident, sassy, most easygoing person Derrick had ever know, was scared that he would mess things up. Derrick’s mouth opened and closed twice and then he punched Bob in the arm. None too lightly._ _

__“Ow! Derrick, what the hell?”_ _

__Derrick’s mouth opened, and months worth of repressed feelings poured from his lips. “For months I beat myself up over this. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I thought I had ruined everything. You made me think I had ruined the one good thing I still had in my life. I was so upset Bob. You have no idea. You were the only good thing I had and you left me.” Derrick’s anger was fading now, being traded for a deeper emotion. “You were the only person I had, and you left me.“ Derrick just knew he was about to cry, when he felt a familiar pair of arms around him. Derrick cried into Bob’s shirt and Bob cried into Derrick’s hair and both of them promised ‘never again.’_ _

__So maybe Derrick lied when he said he would never cry over Bob, but it was one of the rare cases in which he was ok with being wrong._ _


End file.
